5 things that keep you from having sex
It's been so long that you're wondering if you still know how to do it? Every married couple has been in there. You start off strong as a newlywed; maybe you've had sex every day (or multiple times a day). Then, somewhere along the line, the honeymoon comes to an end, real-life takes over, and you can't remember the last time you did the deed. The first step in correcting this problem is to recognize exactly what's going on in your sex life. So, here are the top five things that keep you from doing:
Most people today have non-stop schedules that have them jetting off to work, school, activities, such as going to the gym and running errands and finally trying to spend time with loved ones. Sleep is an afterthought. Truly, it’s a rat race, and you probably have no idea how to get off the wheel.
Solution: Find even 15 minutes per day to nap or simply readjust your schedule – by eliminating unnecessary tasks or coming home about 15 minutes earlier – to recharge your batteries. If all else fails, have sex even if you’re sleepy. Sometimes, you start out just going through the motions, and then it’s on like Donkey Kong, so just go with it.
If you have children, you know they've got a way to get your time alone. Sure, they bring great joy and rewards you've never imagined before. But they jump into your bed when they're having nightmares, or when you're cuddling, they come and ask for milk. Their very presence makes it impossible to have sex spontaneously in the middle of the day, as you might have done before your children.
Solution: Of course, you love your children and enjoy spending time with them. But get a babysitter once in a while, for the sake of your marriage. If a family member can watch them in his or her place, that's even better. You can get the house on your own, have a real date night, and let the rest fall into place.
Lack of self-confidence
It's one of the toughest challenges in a relationship. Some of us are not comfortable with our own skin. Or you have recently gained weight or something else that has changed your appearance. And you just don't feel like you are. You may even be sad or depressed. If you don't feel attractive, you don't usually feel like having sex. You may be willing to make love, but only if you are in complete darkness.
Solution: You should feel comfortable with your spouse to avoid any fluctuations in weight or appearance. Of course, your spouse might not even notice what you've noticed about yourself. It comes down to you feeling better about yourself, however.
Start thinking positively, repeat mantras that reinforce your self-esteem, and do things that make you feel good, such as working out or walking. Of course, if you can't lift your own spirits, you'll need professional help. Try not to keep your spouse in the dark about what's going on here. You'd be surprised how supportive the majority of husbands and wives can be.
Anger and Resent
Love and war sometimes go hand-in-hand. Every marriage has a struggle that never ends and moments in time when husband and wife are rooted in disagreement. When you feel anger at your partner, the last thing you want to do is make love.
Solution: Make peace of mind. Find a way to compromise and resolve whatever comes in the way of your marriage – not to mention sex life. Learn how to apologize or forgive, or both of them. Move on, make love. Sure, it's a little bit more complicated than that. I know that. But it probably isn't as hard as you make it out to be. It's almost never before.